Karma is my game

Dear Fireflies.

I apologize for going away without any notes or signs left behind. Many things happened and I can not balance up with every single thing in my life so I just had to run away from everything. I do not want anyone to know that I am troubled by my own problems. I almost wanted to give everything up while going through it alone. But now I know, I can go through this by standing for my rights and not bear all the bloody way. Enough kindness and being all-so-nice towards everyone when I know I will get shits from some of em' in the end.

I left school, I left work so I will not be schooling for this year again. I have lost a number of people in my life and that is for the better. I do not need anymore betrayals, rumors, dramas or anything that can caused pain in my life. I have gone through the pain, so now I am back cause I know that I can only go through life with my true dear Fireflies around me. And this time, I will not leave [ I hope ]. Every cold night, I will always dream about you all and it hurts me not getting to feel the sweet presence, hear the cute laughter and that bitchy gossips from you lovely souls.\

Please forgive me for I have made all of you worried sick and I really do not mean it, honest. I just do not want to trouble anyone. This is who I am. So please do accept me for my flaws and all. Once again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

Yours faithfully,

Zairul

Labels: Dear, Fireflies

100th Post: Dear you.

Dear you,

I'll just make everything clear so that there won't be any misunderstanding. I am giving myself time for my own, I want to mend things right. I'm disappointed about what happened. I'm still embarrassed so I'm just giving myself time to get over it. So where is the part did I say that I'm leaving your life? I didn't even say I wanted to until after you shoot out all those painful words on Facebook & Formspring. Since you put it that way that I'm "leaving" your life. Then I am doing it now, by deactivating my Facebook, deleting Twitter. Just because I runaway from you, doesn't mean I am leaving you. I'm just so stress up over what have happened.

I just need time for myself. I just need to get over things. You do not need to be sorry cause like I said, everything is done. It's over, I've already forgiven you the minute the shit was done. I know things happened in the club. You do not need to explain. I know you had your shits in there but that doesn't mean you need to embarrass me in front of everyone, do you? It's like you're the cherry on top of after R have threw his tantrum towards me in front of everyone. I'm not being sensitive or so emotional but just put yourself in my shoe, these 2 incidents happened to you & everyone's watching, but whatever it is, if you don't feel the embarrassment, fine. I know you have that "no face" attitude but I'm different.

And I didn't say, leaving was easy cause in the first place, I didn't even say that I'm leaving you cause this time, I just want to be alone at home. Who says leaving someone's life whom you love most was easy? In fact, the first time I left you was hard alright. It took me days for me to bear with it but in the end, I came back. Now this is not another leaving someone's life drama. This is wanting some time to be alone, my personal space. I'm just disappointed with you. Told you not to embarrass me a couple of times but in the end, you've crossed the line. But it's alright, I understand. And not to worry, since you think I'm leaving you so much, I'll just go with the flow. I know you'll be fine, I ain't a true brother after all just like your true friends huh? Have a great day ahead, I'll always pray for your safety.

Yours sincerely,
Zairul

A true soul, will understand you, won't leave you unreasonably, will comfort you when you're down, will always be there for you through thick & thin & will do anything just to make you smile. S/He'll let you know the ugly truth than be covered in the dark with those beautiful lies. S/He rather let you cry for hearing the truth than smile for some lies & later on, let you fall on your knees after everything was revealed.

A true soul, will always come back after a big mess s/he had with you. Wipe off your heartbreaking tears when you're in pain, telling you everything is going to be okay when s/he's around & hug you tight, making you feel all better. S/He'll stand up for you when you're not in the wrong & scold you if whatever you did isn't right for your life or anyone. Giving you the care & support that you need, a listening ear when you got a problem in mind & try to help things out if s/he could. If s/he didn't do anyone of this, then s/he is just a shadow that walks behind you & fades away later on.

Labels: Dear

Dear You.

Dear You, you're such a beautiful soul to love, how can God not create someone as special as you

Dear beloved gay brother, Dudy,

I know that you've been trying to get back to me with all the messages & calls you've given & you have created Twitter & added my first account in Facebook just to get in contact with me but sadly, I didn't reply any of your messages or pick up any one of your calls. My apologize for not doing so. I know you've missed me with all your tiny pieces of the heart & I do miss you too as you know it but you know that I don't have any intention of breaking your heart into a million tears.You're a beautiful soul that have came into my life & warm up my cold heart. How can I not love you more? Your characters tickle up my heart & let out laughter with the blues fading away, your smile make a huge pencil that drew a gigantic wide smile on my cracked face & your comfort could mend my broken colorless heart.

Your a brother that I truly am grateful to have, to love, to share my bleeding problems when I'm down, a brother that I can give hello & goodbye kisses whenever we meet & have to go on home in separate ways. A brother that I can comfort whenever you're in tears due to some thorns that have pricked your fragile heart & a brother that I can goof around with in town or wherever we are at. I really love you from the bottom of my broken heart & I've been having this urge of meeting you badly but still, I controlled myself, not taking a step forward in meeting you & not dialing up your number to give you a call or a text either. I would want to meet you & hug you real tight like you're my smelly little soft pillow & give kisses like how we used to give each other when we meet but it's not the right time yet. I'm forbidden to meet you or anyone for now.

But I can promise you that it'll be soon, very soon. Just get ready & I know when we meet, we're going to have a long talk. Smile always alright cause you've always been in my mind every night & day, thinking if you're alright wherever you are, whether you are safe or not til you were in my beautiful dreams along with your fat kitty of course, Miles. I have not forgotten you still cause forever, your name have been tattooed right at the center of this heart. May God give you guidance as he leads you along the way. Meow meow brother, meow meow~

Your baby brother,
Zairul

Labels: Dear

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

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