Karma is my game

Staying strong as a single soul.

Walking through that path in life all alone, though you felt parts of the pieces missing in your heart, still you just carry on, step by step bearing all those emptiness in you

I tried everything at home. I cleaned up the kitchen, washed the laundries, scrub the toilet, everything, but all I get from her is just pain, I suck it up & just talk to her in a normal tone. Sometimes, just ignore her all the way. I've controlled my anger, I've changed & I realized that myself but she thinks that I'm raising my voice, being rude & all. All these tears that I'm carrying with me. I don't want to let go, I just can't. It hurts living in a house which no one is ever going to give you that fairness. I know life is unfair but when it comes to rules in the house, it can be fair. Her words are just temporary, I kept my words but she kept none. Well, what can I say, she's old, her depression is in a pretty bad state.

Now I'm slowly searching for a job again. Everything's all stressed up for me & the only thing that can make me go cool is attending dance practice with my crew. At times when I'm alone, my mind will go wander off in the past, & my heart will start to turn cold, everything around me will turned dark. That missing feeling will reappear & thorns will start pricking my heart. Then I'll just plugged in my earpieces & played a memorable song, there it'll all begun, that beautiful feeling reappeared from the past. It felt so good, but the only feeling I do not like is missing that soul that was in my past. I still love him though but its just that, I just don't want it to appear or my hands will go itchy again, wanting to text him & meet him again.

Being single can be lonely at times, you'll miss the past & of course love but sometimes, it's best being single for now & set everything right for yourself, then from there, after everything's done, you can go on a date & not needing to have that worried feeling about yourself, like money especially. Sometimes, these type of questions tend to reappear out of the blue," Who is going to be my lover? " " How is s/he going to look like? " " Is s/he going to be the one that going to love me so much more than how I'm going to love him/her? " & " Is s/he going to be the one that is going to be afraid of losing me most? " Or " Is s/he going to be like my past stains, hurt me, tear me apart, like a heart breaker? "

But then, I just placed all these questions aside & continue whatever is need to be done cause all those questions will be answered in the future eventually. I just hope that things will be fine soon cause I really can't bear this any longer. Dear God, I just hope that you're going to end this suffering sooner or later, how long more do you want me to be in this state? Waiting patiently, meanwhile, I'm trying to find every way to solve all my shits.

Labels: Single

Players.

Players will always play the game until to the point that they have achieved the love they wanted, & they'll just end the game, leaving the rest of those innocent souls with a broken heart

Some men just couldn't stop dating more than one soul. They just love to play the game & didn't think of the consequences. They didn't think how badly hurt will those souls get after they get to know that they're being played around, they're in the game. I felt it before when my loved ones are going through this kind of shit. I hold onto my love for about 7-8 months. I still remember, those painful times, it really hurts a lot. How you'll end up in tears every other cold night, him appearing through your mind once & never fade away. Those chains with thorns all wrapped around your vulnerable heart.

You feel so hurt, you felt the pain, that pain which slowly oozed out from your heart. You just want to end it all, forget about everything but when you're trying your best to forget about it, forget about him, it'll hurt even more cause he'll be in your mind with the sweet memories, those cute cuddles, the calls you both did every night, the passionate taste of the sugar lips, & the pulling of the hair while he slowly let his tongue linger from your neck, right down to your chests. Because of all those precious memories that are trapped inside your mind, you can't seemed to let him go, not one bit.

All you got to do is just distract yourself, try to find every way to not remember him or anything related to him. You tried your very best, you don't want to fall on your knees, crying while those 3 weakening words came out behind those breath of yours, " I give up. ".

No, that is the last thing you want to breath it out, there must be a way. In the end, with the help of your loved ones, your pain & love towards him will start to lighten up, slowly it starts to fade away. All because of the ones who loved you, they gave you their care, they make you laugh every time with their silly jokes & that goofy attitude. Their accompanies make your heart be at ease, slowly those chains with thorns got all rusty & it'll then break into pieces.

A few weeks later, you'll start to feel so enlighten, no longer hurt, now a smile is drawn on your face though there's a tiny piece left for him. Still, you think as high as the sky & look around, you have your loved ones though you don't feel that you're special towards someone, at least you are loved by your friends & family. They're the ones who never fail to bring you up whenever you fall. And I'm blessed to have these kind of souls around me.

What I'm trying to say here is, if you're in the game, & you can't get out, try to distract yourself. Find every way, never give up cause that's the last thing you want to do. I've been through this, you can just read based on my past posts. It is all written there. Look around you, your loved ones are always there for you. Spend your precious time with them than be at home, wasting your cold tears due to one man who's being such a heartless soul, a player. It's not worth your tears. They'll get what they deserve one day, I can promise you that cause karma do exist.

Just be careful next time cause men these days, cannot be trusted. Don't fall for their sweet empty words cause that is how the love will start.

Labels: Heartless

Tumblr.

Dear Readers,

I have step into this trendy website called Tumblr. Very addictive & somehow quite cute. Kind of complicated but I can manage. I know I always say how much I really dislike Tumblr & will stick to this old Blogger of mine but with my loved ones who kept pestering me to create a Tumblr account, finally I just did. Now I know no pests will be around me saying Tumblr Tumblr & Tumblr. Don't worry, I'll update this sweet blog of mine, old ones are always the best for me. Do read up on my blog cause I'll be updating it rarely as I'm going to be busy with my work, dance, & outings with my lovely souls. Not to forget, follow me up on Tumblr pretty please with my cute kitten paws on top of you readers' head. The link is at my Profile section & not to forget, I would like to say, thank you for spending your precious time by reading my blog all these while. Really appreciate it truckloads.

XOXO,
Zairul

P.S: Do read up my beloved brother's blog & Tumblr, Dudy Monteiro. A slutty brother I always love & always will.

Labels: Tumblr

Drowning.

Drowning in my life of misery, struggling to get out of this heavy pain, all alone with no one to grab me out of this tangled situation

It's been long since I've updated this blog of mine. Apologies for not updating it. Many things happened so fast like in the nick of time. I'm struggling to get out of the misery. At times, my emotions got queered when I'm in a place where there's only silent roaming around cause then, my mind will start contemplating about that beautiful love. These past few weeks, it has been a disaster. For so long I have not teared for someone & a sweet cute looking guy used me up & made the depression run through me.

He claimed that it wasn't his fault at all. I admit that I was at fault partially but why is he putting all the blame on me? I didn't make that first move, everything got so wrong. No development of sparks, nothing positive.. But just the development of melancholy. I wish it didn't happened at all. I did regret it at first but then, it already happened so I'm just moving on taking step by step, gone through the process of tearing, heartbreaking, forgetting about it, everything that needs to be done. It's always both parties who are at fault, never one sided.

He's the first & the last guy who I want to do such physical things that no love will occur. All I could say is, it is hard to trust men in this world. Just be careful cause you might not know how weak & vulnerable your heart can be after things have happened between you & that heartless soul. It really hurts while you're suffering that melancholy sticking to your heart. I know that, it's going to be the last one I'm going to face in that very day cause I can trust no man in this very world, my heart & soul is forbidden from them. Nothing will crack this hard shell of mine. I won't be on my knees feeling weak any longer due to man, I know I won't... For now.

My working life has been a very terrible one. The people there are all so biased just because I'm not the same race as them. They want me to get out of the job real bad. Well, all I could say is, I really dislike this job, I really want to get out of it & I will. But I need to replace this job cause I really need money to support myself. Money doesn't buy happiness, It eases your misery. Keep that in your mind. Just pray for me that I'll get another job soon.

Labels: drown

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

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