Karma is my game

Hoping I could see a star shooting thru the night sky so that I could just close my eyes & make a wish that you will know the answer whether to love me or not

"I'm not taking advantage of you"

"I'm sorry"

"I'm just not sure"

You gave a cut in my heart cause what you say really hurts me. Gave you a fake smile everytime you look at me cause I don't want you to know how hurt I really am. Thought I could spent time with you til night but I guess I didn't really get what I really wanted. I guess I couldn't spent time with you til night watching the bright night sky with all the shining stars looking down here at us. Pretty disappointed though but still I'm just glad that I could spent some time with you alone, just the two of us. When I looked into your eyes, they are really amazing. I mean, I can't stop staring on those mesmerizing eyes of yours. Just a stare into your eyes & my problems will just fade away. I could see that you're really amazing. If a guy could get your love, they are really the luckiest guy in this world cause you are a really sweet guy. Still will just wait for you til the answer came out from your mouth. Wanted to express out my feelings towards you but I guess it's not the right time. Hope you could spare the whole day just for me cause I really wanna be with you, hugging you tightly & stroking your hair while you lay down on my lap. My love for you won't fade away til I get the answer from you.

Broken Boy,

Zairul

Labels: Breakdown

Regret, do I really want this in the first place?

It's the 24th June & June holiday is ending. Better not waste my holiday & do something fun before it ends. Single, must you really flirt around when you're single? I mean, for me... Single life really sucks [ No offence single people ] but seriously, I feel like I'm not being love by anyone else, not just randomly anyone but someone whom I can called boyfriend... Don't you guys feel that way? Well, some guys just wanna have sex & just leave the partner just like that. Hmm, I guess this is what we called em' "Sex Maniac". We're like their toys, got played around by them & when they got bored with us, they threw us away & find a new one. Bustard right? Well, forget about it... I don't even know what I'm typing right now cause I'm just being confused. Nothing new.

Well, but I know this Friday is gonna be the best day, a day I will not forget cause I can spent the rest of my day with you. Even though our meeting is not confirmed, I just hope that I could meet you and if the meeting is only for an hour, I am willing to do so. Just wanna see those puppy eyes of yours, wanna feel your warm hug & wanna feel your breath next to my ears. Hopes aren't that high cause I know I won't get to meet you as you're always busy. No matter how busy you are, I hope you could spare some time with me. Looking forward to meet you.

Signing off,

Zairul

Labels: confuse

No hope, no future. Death is in my head. I don't need a parachute cause I wanna fall & break into pieces.

Tears came pouring down my cheeks when I read his message. Can't stop crying. Zack hugged me tightly & gave a kiss on my forehead & that's where the tears started to get out of control. A flashback came into my mind & it really hurts. Started to miss my stain & now I'm suffering again. I can't move on. I need someone to grab me now. I'm weak. Why am I not fated to be love by a guy? Tell me why cause I can't stop crying. Tell me the truth if you love me or not cause now I'm suffering. I don't wanna cry everyday again. I don't wanna hurt myself. You don't even know if you love me? I'll just wait for you cause I know you need time but how can love develops when there is no bonding between us? We hardly met. If you don't have feelings for me still after we've met a couple of times, well if you wanna meet me, I can just let you go but if you're in love with someone else, please tell me cause I don't wanna end up crying after I found out that you're in love with someone cause then I'll just hate you & I don't want that to happen. I'll just wait & stop crying for now. Controlling this tears. Trying my best to think positive & forget about what happen yesterday. Whatever it is, I don't wanna get stress cause my pimples are starting to shrink due to the ice cubes that I've always place it on my face before I went to sleep & whatever it is, I just want you to be honest with me so that I won't suffer like how I used to suffer when I'm with my stain.

Labels: Death is in me

I thought I had no more tears left for you, & then it all came back.

I guess you were never really gone

I thought I get over you & I could move on but things aren't the way that I expected. I can't stop staring at you. I wanted to talk to you but it's just so hard. Kept staring at you. When I saw you, the past just came into my mind. I really cannot take it. I wanna move on with someone I'm trying to love now but because I saw you, I can't really move on. So hard, so emotional. Don't you know that I love you so much. Why is this happening to me? I know you have move on with someone you love but why won't you give me a chance. Just a few minutes will do, cause I can't take it how some people are treating you right now.

I'm missing our memories, don't you?

Where are you right now when I need you the most

Can't take it. Tears went rolling down my cheeks. Why is this happening to me? I feel so foolish to love you. Why is it too fast? Was it something you said when I was tipsy? "But we could be together." I really hate it when someone just gave me all their sweet talks & I started to fall for them. Wanna love you but I feel like you're avoiding me. Is it true? Tell me that it's not true cause I can't stop crying. Whatever it is, I'm being strong. Had let out enough tears just now while punching the wall so I should stop & control it now. I wanna move on, please help me move on. I can't move on without you. I'm weak, I need you now cause I'm stuck in my stain's well of love. Please, I wanna grab your hand & get out of this well. I wanna hold your hand & never let go. I don't wanna suffer again cause right now, tears are starting to get out of control. Cried again cause of my previous stain... Help me cause right now, I really need you the most.

Labels: I need you

So lovedrunk & I'm addicted to a guy like you cause

you're the liquor that I can't stop drinking & I need you always

Tired after performing Bukit Timah 55th Anniversary. Emotions have strike me, but things happened like out of the blue:

Was taking pictures with Maia Panda. Then looked at the picture...

Z: Eee! My face like shit only!

M: Okay lah! Cute what!

Z: NO!

M: Cute lah...

Zul walking pass us...

Zul: Heyy, cute uhk kao.. *pinch zairul cheeks*

Me & Maia looked at each other

M: SEE!

Z: Don't know uhk!

M: Well someone just says you're cute so just admit it.

Z: FINE!

Well, not only him... Some girl which also was performing with us compliment me that I am cute wearing that rope around my head. Well, but still... I'm not admitting that I am cute! Well, some gay guy just smile & says hi to me which I'm like so disgusted. I was just joking but feel awkward like seriously. Well, that's not all, kept staring at me & when I looked at him, he kept smiling at me. Like omg, I feel so awkward!

Well, that's not all... Zul was being kinda weird cause he kept pinching my cheeks & disturbing me & kept saying I'm cute. Well, not that it's wrong but can it be like once in a while not everytime when he walk pass me! Hmm, nevermind then. Well dancemates of mine have been like cheering me up by taking pictures & that kinda makes me smile, even the ones that don't know me at all, all of a sudden talk to me like out of a sudden? Hmm, well at least I could forget about my emotions for awhile til now. Well, the performance was a success... Can't believe the videoman got record me as well! Hope it won't came out on TV! Well, heard from the teacher that Mediacorp is gonna be there actually cause Prime Minister was there so Mediacorp must be there. Hope it won't came out on TV! OMG! Seriously, I don't want that to happen. Well forget about it.

Suddenly, emotions started coming back. Here we go again. Well, kinda hurt when he didn't text me & said that he was watching a movie cause I was waiting for his text for so long. When I text him then he replied that he was watching a movie. Pissed off & hurt but then after he wish me luck & insert that rainbow to the text, feel so bright all of a sudden. Well those feelings are just temporary cause right now I feel so lovedrunk & I just can't take it. Missing him too much. Miss stroking his hair, miss his scent, his puppy eyes, his soft cherry lips & mainly HIM. Well sorry if I sound desperate but I just can't stop missing him. It's just so so hard to meet him with all of his plan on schedule. I guess I can't meet him at all, I don't even know if he wanna meet me... Well I guess not cause... I don't know... I guess he don't wanna meet cause his too busy? Hmm, it's okay. Hope he have a day for me cause June holidays is ending & I don't wanna written down my brain that I have wasted my time in June holiday. Hope I could spend time with him the whole day or two. Well, impossible. It's okay. Hope, I won't get too emotional cause if I do... Well, you know what will happen? Well only my Sweetest Ecstasy does.

Zairul

Labels: Drunk

Want to watch the sunset with you til the night time came & stars will start to appear then we can try to connect the stars together

Been wishing for a guy to ask me out & watch the sunset at the side of the beach together with him. Then we could watch the bright stars twinkling at night. Lie down on the sandy beach with him while watching the stars, could just hug him tightly & just look at his mesmerizing eyes & maybe there'll be a star shooting right across the night sky & then we could just close our eyes & make a wish. Could just spend time with him, eating snacks like marshmallows or just wait for him to make the first move. Well, was just joking about the second part but still sweet & romantic if that happens. But I guess this are just dreams that won't come true at all. Keep on dreaming cause no guy will make your dream come true. Really wish that dream will come true. It's okay if it won't, at least I could just dream it & feel the love in my dreams but it would be more sweeter if it came true. I could just love him & hug him tightly. Should stop dreaming now. Well whatever it is, at least I have fun thinking of it.

Labels: Dreams

Waiting for you is my greatest challenge

Won't be going out this afternoon cause I got no plans. Planned that I wanna go out with you cause I kinda miss you & would like to spend time with you, just the two of us but kinda scared that you'll reject me cause you wanna stay at home & what a bad news cause heard from a friend of mine that tickets are SOLD OUT. I feel so sad, controlling my tears. Really wanted my friends to see me perform & especially you but I didn't get to see your face. Isn't this the worst day ever?

Oh but you said you will go around 9+ cause you got something on tomorrow. Thought I wanna spend time with you after my performance but I can't. Well, at least I could see your face but then again, the tickets are sold out so I cannot see you at all. Oh, I really hate this.
Emotional much? Well you know that is how I always feel when it comes to love. Just wish I won't be so emotional. Then my life would be a bit easier & so is my partner.

I guess I won't get to see you or spend time with you again cause I can see that you're very busy with things. It's okay zairul. Patient is the key. You are always patient so just wait & wait til his free alright? Just don't be sad aites? Guess I'll just have to wait...

Labels: worse day ever

Hoping my love won't be like my history

My life kinda sucks nowadays. It seems that I'm always in a bad mood cause I don't really know why but I really hate it a lot. But whenever I heard his voice or get a text from him, it kinda makes me feel so calm & happy. Well what do you expect? When you're in love, nothing can spoil your mood. Well what can I say, that's my style. I don't know about you guys, love is just my thing. What about me with all this love? Someones name just got tattooed down to my heart. Who? Well, that's for me to know & for you guys to never find out. It's not official anyway, you might never know if this love will be the same as my previous one. I wanna keep it a low discreet cause firstly, I don't want my friends or anybody else to know who I'm in love with cause you don't know how dancers are. I love being a dancer but the bad thing about being one is that once someone heard some hot news about you, like who do you have feelings for or whatsoever, they'll just spread around & people will just went up to you & say like, so who's ____? You like him huh?

It really irritates me a lot. Then if that person left you for something or someone & you know how I will feel right? Heartbroken, never ending tears & so on & if friends of mine or other people know who left me, they'll just hate him. I really hate that part. Just because of me, you must hate him. Well, it's his fault anyway for leaving me for some guy. But I don't wanna tear down his image or people would think that I'm a slut or something. True? Just let karma takes its course cause it always does when someone hurts me. *Smiles*

This time, I just wanna keep it as low as possible til I'm officially his cause if not, I'll just move on. Well enough about this topic. Lets change it.

Being with you is what I need the most

Days have passed & I started to feel more & more lovedrunk. You're always in my mind.

When will this end? Well, a day with you is what I need but being with you forever holding your hand & never let go is what I need the most. Your soothing voice, your puppy eyes & your soft cherry lips makes me wanna miss you more. Don't think that I'm going for looks cause your heart & your sweet words makes me melt like one hot chocolate & that makes me wanna love you more. Label yourself as ugly? I think not cause you're beautiful in my eyes. Whatever you say about yourself, it's your heart that counts cause that is the key to make relationship last longer. I guess you know what I'm saying right? You can put looks on one side when you're in love cause it's the heart that counts.

I know that you think this is too fast, I can be patient, I can take it slow. Take your time cause I'm up to it waiting for you. Taking it slowly step by step reaching for the love cause if I do it too fast I might trip & fall. No matter what it is, just be true to yourself cause my fragile heart can't take it when it comes to lies. Once you lie, it's hard for me to trust you anymore.

Missing you much babyface, when can I spend time with you again... Just the two of us? Waiting patiently for our next meeting. Hope you're thinking & missing me then & now cause I seriously am thinking & missing you right now.

Your Rainbow,

Zairul

Labels: Babyface

When you've step into my life, it isn't black & white any more but it's full of bright colours instead

Open my eyes & I'm smiling cause the first thing that came into my mind is you.

The sun shine down my face & I'm smiling as wide as ever.

Look at the time, oh gosh. Its 02 40pm! Gotta rush cause I got an appointment with my doctor!

Well, before I step out of the room. I can see that my room is brighter than ever. Not dark & cold.

Hmmm, I guess I better be going. Hope he's okay cause I want him to be. Adios~

Karma boy,

Zairul

Labels: rainbow

We're looking for the same love so does this mean anything?

Smiled while looking at his text. Wanted to cry but I'm just controlling. Oh, I'm okay. This is not tears of sadness. It is tears of joy. He has make me move on & now I'm smilling as wide as ever not suffering from love anymore. Missing him hugging me tightly... I could feel that his hugs were sincere cause it was so warm. Missing his puppy eyes, I seriously can't stop staring at those mesmerizing eyes & the way he smiles at me... Wow, I could like seriously melts in front of him but I just cover my face cause I don't wanna seriously fall on his arms but I think I just did? Well, I guess I'm lovedrunk now. He have that babyface look that I couldn't resist. Feel like pinching his cheeks & hugging him tightly never wanting to let go.... Missing him too much. We have a lot in common & even the love we are looking for are much likely the same. Is it a fate? Or not? Is this the one that I've been waiting for? Well, I mean look at me, I have no looks & I'm not at all cute. Ugly? Well you could label that at me. It's a fact right? Well, sorry for the negative words but I just can't help it. What if the history came back? Like he left me for someone else just like my previous stains... Well I don't even know if he loves me? Does he? I think I'm lovestruck. Well I wanna confess something to you. Hope you won't feel akward.

Dear Babyface,

Are you the guy that I've been searching for in those crowds? Through those ups & downs with those typical ones, I feel so different whenever I'm with you. I just don't know why... Before I met you just now, I had a lot of problems but then when we met, all of a sudden, the problems seems to fade away. You make my life become more brighter whenever you're around me & I seriously couldn't resist looking at you... I could describe you in many ways, your smile, your laughter, your eyes... & especially you. But I just wanna label you as one cause to me, you're one of a kind. You're like the shooting star that I saw through the night sky & the one that I've been wishing for. Why must you be perfect through my eyes? I just wanna say this to you. I hope this helps... Just scroll down please...

Are you ready?

1 sentence

1 meaning

& 3 words

Love

You

Don't believe me? When there is a chance we could meet again,
I'll prove to you how much I really do love you.
Hope you'll believe me after that.

Yours truly,

Zairul

Labels: I Love You

When will my tears come to an end

It's been 4 days & still my tears won't stop. Cried 3 to 4 times per day. I know, my love for him is very strong. It's hard to let him go, his just too sweet for me. The memories is so strong. My love towards him won't rust at all but I just couldn't accept the fact that we're not talking anymore. The worst part that I didn't expect is that he didn't prove his love towards me. I'm so surprised, I believe him too much. Thought he's gonna text me or even call me but those things that I expected didn't came to reality. Why must this happen to me. I'm so hurt.. My prev stain stole him away from me. I knew this gonna happen. Once he have step into your life, there's no turing back. You fall for that asshole sweet words, you won't be able to resist it. Isn't that stupid? I just do not know why people labelled him as a hot stuff when he is supposed to be labelled as fugly stuff. I just don't get this asshole, why must he took my love life away? What did I do wrong? I love him to bits & now his gone. I'm so cold without him in my life. I'm like in a ghost town. His not by my side & now I'm falling deep into the darkness. My life change into one bullshit without him. His everything to me. I just love him too much but I just couldn't accept the fact that his not here with me. I know crying wouldn't help but what should I do? Move on & just forget about it? Omgucci, it's not that easy. It takes a lot of time to forget him but I don't want to! I just don't want to forget him! I can't! It's too painful! His name is tatooed in my heart & I can't take it off anymore. Baby I miss you much. I know you're not thinking about me but I miss the times we had spent together just the two of us.

Don't you miss the times too? It's still in my head now..

Memories with you:

First meeting:
Still remember the first time I met you.. Planned to go with Udi at East Coast Park. Waited for you guys at Bukit Panjang Mall while eating my fav. Mcflurry Mudpie. You guys both planned to wear white & told me to wear white too but I wore black cause I kinda like feel awkward if all of us wore white. Then when you guys reached, the first thing on my mind when I saw you is,"omgosh, why do I feel so different?". Kept thinking about it, & do you realise that I kept staring at ya? If you do, it's because I just kept wondering why when you're around me, I felt so different. Well, I didn't think about it then cause we were at ECP playing on the water so it was kinda fun. Then someone make attitude problem when we wanna head home. Kinda shock & makes my heart shatters when he poke your shoulder & push you repeatedly.. Then I just walk off cause I don't wanna explode so yea, you know that right? The sweetest thing a guy could have ever done to me is that when I walk off, you ran to me & said " hey, don't walk alone. I wanna walk with you cause I want you to be safe." Its kinda touching & it makes me wanna burst into tears cause that's what I've been dreaming for: I want a guy to ran to me when I'm alone.Then it kinda makes me wonder, are you really the one that I've been dreaming for? It couldn't be..

Then I didn't think too much about it. We talk for hours & I felt sorry when I left you. Your eyes was so red, feel like giving you a warm hug but I was shy. So we were talking & then after some time you wanna go back & take Udi as he is afraid & have been crying. Kinda makes me laugh thinking about it. Anyway, you was about to leave when you said this, "Stay here cause I want you to be safe. If anything happens, call me. I will ran for you or even take a taxi cause I just want you to be safe." I smiled, then you ran off. My mind was full of words. Tears rolled my cheek. "Is he really the one? My dream guy?" thinking to myself. Don't wanna think about it that much. So waited for you & Udi. Then, you came & tap my shoulder,"Let's go." Saw Udi & he was like crying with the sound. Cover my mouth cause I don't want to laugh. Look at him & you. Then we walk & walk, suddenly... Udi turn back & went to me & said sorry while holding my hand near his lips. Puzzled... He was suppose to do that to you not me.. Then he walk off with you... I was behind you both then you pull me by your side cause you don't want me to be left alone. In my mind while looking at you,"Why are you being so sweet towards me? You're not my dream guy right?" Smiled back at you when you look at me & smile.. Then started to talk about my life.. You laugh which is so cute. Then we walk & walk while talking then you both send me to the bus interchange & waited for my bus to arrive. When reached, shake your hand & Udi of course & just went in. When I'm faraway from you. I feel like my old self again. Kept thinking in the bus,"Is that really you?"

Second meeting:
Planning to meet you, Feeza, Lilly & Eeza behind woodlands MRT. Waited for you guys for more than 2 hours. Feeza reached first followed by you... You were wearing blue & jeans of course like you always do & you came to us. Both of you guys were talking crap & I'm like kinda lost for a minute there. Baiya, random stuff all came out on both of you guys mouth. I was like what's going on with all this crap talk? Then Eeza told us to meet at 888. Then we walk together & talk crap again. When reached, we went to the barber shop but waited outside. Eeza & Lilly went out of the barber shop. Gave Lilly a warm hug cause missing her too much. Intro you to them & you shook both their hands. Eeza wanted ciggy so she asked me & pull me one side & said,"Are you still mad at me?" Replied,"If I am, I would have confront you now." "Sorry yea?", she said while giving me a hug. While giving her a hug, I looked at you while giving the eew face. You giggled then we stop hugging. Feeza & Lilly went to 7-eleven to buy drinks & a few minutes later. Feeza told me to take everything off from my beg. So I did & you helped too. Got loads of stuff, passports, solution, contact casing & some MORE stuff. Then she went in again... After a few minutes, you went out with Lilly & I saw my beg is full with liquors. Shocked & smiled. Eeza was like being so hyper cause she can't wait to drink. Giving her the whathell look, I just ignored & take off the liquors & put it in the plastic beg. We put all my stuff back into my beg & walk off together with Feeza, Eeza & Lilly of course. So Lilly went home with her ex boyfriend while we still walk to a Block where there's seats & a table. Reached, so we just sat & take off the liquors. It took sometime til we finally took the cap off & all the credits goes to my teeth. Thanks teeth, winks*. Then I drag one of the bottle til half. Then you drag one of the bottle which is a lot & that was the first time you drank. Oh gosh, I feel so guilty but you wanted it so much. Then all of us finish drinking & I became very tipsy so do you. So we went off but before I went off I shouted,"Study is good so study well & goodbye!" We all laughed & we walk off. Walking like we gonna fall then we walk to one place where there is spirits there, well thats what Eeza said & she said it when we wanna walk through. So we ran back & I fall. Oh god, damn it hurts. You & Feeza pull me up & we went of. We were shouting while walking through Admiralty MRT station which is so embarrassing I could not forget. People were like staring at us but you were the center of attention cause you were shouting like one maniac. Well, then we went through the overhead bridge & you was like," Hey, Phua Chu Kang boots" & they all laughed. Sat on the bench at the playground. I dance all of a sudden while the musics on cause I told Feeza to on it. Then played Amoled song by Son Dambi & me & Feeza were showing off the dance steps to you & Eeza. I was like winking at you & I just don't know why, guess I was in a flirty mood. Embarrassed but it's over so what for to be embarrassed. Right? Anyway, then played the I Can Transform Ya by Chris Brown. Show off the steps & after showing it off, I was sweating like I have never sweat in my entire life. Sat down at the side.

Then Feeza asked,"___, who do you love?" You replied,"No one." "Then Zairul?", she asked. I looked away feeling sad. You answered,"Yes." "Feeza..", I called. "Yes Zairul?", she answered. "Must I leave him? I really love him a lot but he deserve someone even better." She said something but I don't quite remember. Then you sat on the bench & called my name cause you wanted me to sit with you. "You deserve someone better.", I said & walk off. You hold my hand & I turn back looking at you. "Please sit with me." I wanted to cry but I just hold on. Letting you go & I just sat on the other bench.

Eeza told us that his friend is tagging along so we went off & took the bus. I was being emotional all of a sudden cause my mind is full of things that really hurts me. "Must I leave him?", thinking to myself. We waited for the bus. Bus arrived & we sat at the back. Eeza sat on the second last seat while me, Feeza & Fir was right behind her. Looking sad, you asked" You okay?" I nodded. "Don't lie." Thinking to myself,"But you lied to me. You don't love me but instead you love someone else." "I'm okay.", I replied. "Smile a little please." You said while poking my hips. Smiled a little while looking at you. "See, you're cute when you smiled." I just stare at your eyes & went closer to you then,"Shit." I turned away. Looking more sad, Feeza said," Why are you so sad? Aww, alalala bucokbucok. Cutenyerr die..""Aww, alalalala. So cute.", Eeza joined in. So extra.Anyway, hugged Feeza & tears went rolling down. "Alalala, don't be sad aites?", she said. Wipe my tears off on her shoulder & looked at her. Then reached at bus interchange & departed. You put your arms around my shoulder & said,"Don't be sad. Smile aites? You're not cute when you're sad you know that." Poke my hips & I laughed. "See, you're cute when you're smiling." Well, I just looked at him & something came into my mind again. Didn't think about it much. Then, we went & met her friend. Told you not to get close to me cause I don't want Eeza's friend to know that we're Bisexual or in fact people's mindset like him will just labelled us as Gays. Then you walk near Feeza. Then we went off to a Block. Sat down a bench which is blocked by the wall & Eeza, Feeza & Eeza's friend sat down around chess table. You sat down beside me. Kept asking me why. I just said nothing. You hugged me & kissed my forehead. Wanted to cry but just hold it on. Stare at your eyes while you stare at mine. Then we french kiss for a couple of seconds & we stopped. Smiled & looked away. Feeza came & she was like smiling & said,"What you guys do uhk?" I was like what? Then she smiled & sat back around the chess table. Then Feeza's mom called & some things happened. Stress & fcuked up. We went behind Woodlands MRT station & sat there. Feeza wanted to go back as she got no mood to ton with us. Planned again & I said,"How about we ton near Feeza's crib?" Eeza didn't want to so she said that we just go & ton near her place. Then we all agreed. Tap the ezlink & waited for the train. Train arrived & went in. Saw my cousin & talked to him for awhile. He departed when reached Sembawang & we departed when we reached at Yishun. Took a cab home then reached so Feeza told us to stay down while she goes up with my phone cause her phone battery was flat. So we waited, then suddenly after around 15 mins, she texted you to go up.

Then we went up. Feeza cooked for us Instant mee goreng with eggs. Aww, isn't that sweet? So we ate. After eating, gave Feeza the plate & we talked for like around a few hours, then I wanted to take a shower so I just grab a towel & I bathed. After bathing, wore my home clothes & suddenly I heard something coming from the toilet & I saw a shadow on the kitchen. Screamed, I ran to Feeza & you. Gasping for air. You both asked & I just said that I heard something & saw a shadow. So you went with me then suddenly Feeza's uncle went out his room & saw us. We were shocked & I was like spill out some words. Then he was like mad so we went back to Feeza & I told her about her uncle & then she was like went in to her crib & argue with her uncle. Then she went back to us & told us to sit at the foot of the block first & told us to text her after one hour. Nodded & we went down. Sat down at the foot of the block which is beside her block. So we sat, you hugged me so tightly & force me to lie down on your lap. So then after an hour or so, you told us to sat there which is blocked so that no one could see us. Well, kinda & we could lean on it so. We kept looking at each other & you asked me to sat on your lap & I did but you kept telling me to stand up first cause your leg hurts. Oh god, so instead I just sat beside you. Then I kept seeing things & you know it cause I kept jerking. You hugged me & covered my face cause you want me to feel comfortable. Then a few minutes I just looked at you. Your eyes was so mesmerizing & I'm so sleepy, well you know what happens right when I'm sleepy? Then kept going closer to you & kept turning away & the words that always came out is "Shit." Well I'm controlling my appetite cause I don't want to do anything. Then this time I looked at you, & went closer to you.. Couldn't resist cause you just touched my lips & we started to french kiss. Went down your neck & gave you lovemarks. Stopped & smiled at you. Sat on your lap facing you, kissing your cheeks, eyes, forehead, nose, chin then your lips. My love for you blooms & then it started to get deeper. Then it was about 7am & planned to went up again. Told you to text her. Then we reached sat at the 8th storey & suddenly heard Feeza shouted our name & we went up. She scolded us for not texting her after one hour which we forgot. You know how leos are. STM. Then Feeza saw marks on your neck & she was like pointing fingers on her neck & walk off. I laughed. Then I realised that there is a love on your neck & it's upside down. So cute. This is the 3rd person that have a love on the neck. Smiled then I send you to the bus stop. Waited with sleepy eyes, & then the bus reached. Was about to give you a kiss but I change my mind. Then you board & I waited for the bus to went off. Went home thinking. "What happened just now? Was it real? Am I dreaming? Did he gave me with love or just fun?"

Third meeting:
Planned to slack with you & Feeza so I waited for you guys then I met you first so we went to this BLK on the staircase & we started to french kiss. Well we did some other stuff but you should know what right? So after half an hour or so, Feeza gave us a call & so I lied saying we're on our way cause we're at the Civic Centre but then she knew that I lied & so I just told her the truth & she was really pissed. So we went walking back to Woodlands MRT back. Saw her & she just stood there looking really pissed. Asked where we went & what we did & we just smiled. So then she asked where we wanna slacked & you told us that you couldn't stay long cause by 11pm you wanna go. So we went back to the place that we did but we slack at the void deck instead & just sit & talk. Feeza kept smiling at me & took out her cigga. Well I took out mine too. Hah! So we smoke. After smoke, we went back to Woodlands MRT. Planned to take bus home. Looked at you while you looked at me. Smiled & asked could I have a kiss & you gave me at my lips. Smiled & wave at you while you walk away.

Fourth meeting:
Went back from school & suddenly phone rang & its a text from Taqim. Strange? He wanted to meet us first. So replied & reached home. Woke Feeza up! Told her about Taqim texting me randomly & she was like saying maybe he wanna get back to me but then I laughed & said that it won't happened so then I told her to get ready cause we're meeting Taqim at 4 sharp at Yishun MRT station. So she get ready which took a long time & we reached there like at 4 15pm. Text Taqim & he told us to meet at last cabin. So we went & then saw him & was kinda shocked cause we wore the same clothes. Went to him & shook his hand. Damn he looks cute. Haha but who cares cause you're gonna tag along. So we went in to the MRT train & while we're in the train, Hafiz called so I pick up & we talk about the plan & it kinda turn out so cocky cause we want you to be in as well so pass the phone to Taqim & he talk to him & he pass back the phone to me & Hafiz asked what time we want to go Mind Cafe, at 9 00pm & I asked them & they all agreed so then hung up & we've reached Somerset So we went around the town looking at the clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. & then Taqim kept asking me where is my friend which is you like a lot of time & I just replied you're in the bus on the way. So we continued walking around town & then in the evening, we sat near this mall which I forgot the name but I know there's a path in the Mall that links with Somerset MRT. So we waited for you, while waiting we took some pictures & then after a few minutes later... Feeza & Taqim wanted to go in the mall & look at some more clothes, they looked at me & I just told them to go ahead first cause I wanted to wait for ya.

So waited for ya like for 15 minutes then you called me asking me where am I then I said that I'm opposite this mall. Then I saw you, so I told you to turn left right straight & then you saw me. You gave me a kiss on my lips & then we waited for Taqim & Feeza to go out. Then saw them & intro Taqim to you. Then we went walking to the town Mac. Bought myself a Mcflurry ice-cream then we went walking to Clarke Quay & then we sat at the staircase which have a river [sorry, forgot the place] & we waited for Hafiz. Then he called my phone & I picked up so he asked where were we & I told him we're at the place where me & Fenty bumped into each other. He knew where it was & he told us he'll be reaching around half an hour so we waited. While waiting we listened to music & I just looked up at the night sky hoping if there is a shooting star & I saw one. Told you about it but it went away so quickly that you didn't get to see it. Closed my eyes & wish for something. Open my eyes & looked at you. I felt so sad all of a sudden cause there's something in my mind. You asked & I said nothing. You cheered me up by tickling me. Smiled for awhile & looked at your eyes. Lie my head on my knees & looking down. Then all of a sudden you lie your head down on my head. Kept thinking & thinking then you tickled me again & I look up at you. Then Feeza & Taqim wanted to go to Mac to wee wee & so off they went. So I lie down on your shoulder looking so sad. You asked & I just shooked my head. Then you just lie your head down to mine. After a few minutes they came back with a Big Gulp from 7-eleven.

Then Hafiz called my phone so I picked up & he said that he have reached & I looked back & saw him. So he asked where are we & I swit him & he didn't hurt me. So I told him to go straight & he saw us. So went to him & shook his hand & then he went to the rest of them & shook their hands & Guess what? He wore yellow too. So we walk through this place which have a lot of bars. Then after 5 mins we saw Mind Cafe & we went in. Then we went up the to the second floor & sat down the sofas which is so short & small. Took our order & then we chose our games which is called " Dirty Minds ". We played & it was hilarious. So we played & played & got bored of it. So we played other games instead but the one that I'll never forget is the game that is we need to take the block out slowly from the " thing " & we must read what we need to do or answer on the block. Taqim & Hafiz was the worst cause both of them need to balae around the room. Make us laugh our ass off. Then we played this game called True colours. After an hour or so, planned that this will be the last round & it was my turned to pick a card. Then the question says,"If there was an opportunity, who would you want to be your siblings?" Then I chose Feeza only & I thought you're gonna chose her too but then when all of us flip out our colour cards, I was shocked & hurt that one of the cards, you chose me. Disappointed plus heartbroken still I smiled just to hide my feelings away. Then after finished playing, we went down & Hafiz paid the bills. Thank Hafiz & he just went off to Tanjong while me, Feeza, Taqim & you slacked at the place where we slacked just now. Then I started to think of the game just now & my face expression change slowly. Then you asked me what's wrong & I just said nothing. You knew that I was lying & I just say that I'll tell you later. You tickled me again to make me smiled but then I didn't. You just hugged me tight then. Taqim wanted to go to 7-eleven so he went there to buy something. So after a few minutes, he went back with Amsterdam & a liquor which I forgot whats the name & it kinda shocks me cause that Amsterdam have a history behind it. So I just forget about it & look up at the night bright sky. Then after 15 mins or so, we went off to this place near the bridge & we sat there. Taqim sat on the left followed by Feeza then me then you. We talk & talk then all of a sudden Taqim started to story-telling us about the memories that me & him had with Amsterdam which makes me feel pissed & embarrassed. Then they laughed while I just kept quiet. Wanted a sip & Taqim disagreed at first but then he gave me but just a SIP. So I looked at you & take a sip. Then gave back. Drank milk tea then I looked at you & asked if my breath stinks & you shooked. Then went closer to you & we french kiss. Stopped & looked at Feeza & she was like saying what's with the sound & he made the sound with her hand. We laughed.

Then Taqim started to get tipsy & asked us if he could borrow one of our phone & change sim card cause he wanted to call his friend asking if he's home or not. So I took out mine & he straight away called his friend. He walk away & me & Feeza & yourself just talk after that. Then after a few minutes, kinda worried cause Taqim isn't here with us. We got bored & worried, then me & Feeza started to dance. Then after we dance, we got bored & we make some stupid stuff which is embarrassing & funny. Disturbed Feeza by so called molesting her. Then after that, still Taqim didn't show up & we got really worried, called him & he didn't respond. So we went back pass the bridge & then Taqim called & asked where are we & we said we're finding him. So we saw him & then we went to another place. Taqim got really drunk & he wanted to puke so we went neat this small bridge but we sat next to it as there is a staircase there next to it. He lie down on the floor & Feeza told me to buy a milk or a lime then I quickly went to the shop & bought milk cause there is no lime. So went back & gave Taqim but he didn't wanna drink. So place it down on the floor & pull Taqim up cause he is lying down on the floor dead & thats when the nightmare started.... Long story & let me skip that part...

Then after around 6am, meet you at City Hall Mc Donald together with Taqim & Feeza. Then we sat & got tired, Feeza asked me to pass her wallet then I checked in my beg but I didn't saw her wallet. She got pissed & she took out everything out from my beg. Threw my beg on the table & get fcuked-up. Scold me & we started to argue. I stomp off & said fine, I'll find your wallet. Then went off... Then after a few minutes... I heard someone running & its like running towards me then a tap on my shoulder & I looked back & its you. You said to not always walk alone. I feel sad, touched & wanted to cry but I just control myself. You put your hands around my shoulder & cheer me up & said that we'll find together. Smiled a little & we went back the place where we last remembered where we place it which is at the small bridge. Kept hoping her beg will be there. we went to the shorter route which is so stupid cause there's police so we went back & went to the long route like we always do. Then when we reached at that bridge her wallet was there & I was like relief. Then you text her that we found her wallet & she texted back saying sorry for just now. I replied & we went back. Reached Mc & saw Hafiz. Kinda confuse why he's here. Just sat down & some thing came to my mind again. Then Taqim apologise to us for what happened just now & we forgive him. So then we went into the MRT train & all of us sat & rest our eyes. Planning to fetch you back home so Feeza dropped at Yishun followed by Taqim which is at Marsiling then us which is at Choa Chu Kang.

Then I wanted to send you til Bukit Panjang Inter when you said you wanna go Scape Mc Donald cause you wanted to use the computer & asked me if I wanna tag along. Of course I do. [In my heart: cause I wanna spend all my time with you.] Then we went to Bukit Panjang Inter & took a bus to Scape. Then the bus reached & we sat at the back & I lie down on your lap. Then after half an hour, we reached & I cannot feel my left leg! Then we departed which is so suffering for me! Could barely move my left leg at all so need to wait for a few minutes then I could walk. Thought I cannot move for life but thank god no. So we went to Mc Donald. Then I wanted Ice-cream & you bought for me Mc Flurry. Then we shared & we use the computer after that. Nothing to do then we talk to each other through shoutouts at Facebook. So cute, then waited then went to the Mall handicapped toilet & did something. After that, we went back to the Macdonald which is 12pm & you bought for me Big Mac. So sweet! Then you bought yourself Mc Spicy cause you rarely ate beef. Then after we ate, you bought another ice-cream, not just for you but you bought another one for me. 2 Hot fudge sundaes. Could you be any sweeter? We sat down & talk about our life. Then plan to went back to your area. So we took a bus to Bukit Panjang. We get to take a ride on a double decker bus so we went up & sat at the back & you were so tired that I told you to lie down on my shoulder. Then after that we took another bus cause the prev. one isn't the way to Inter then we departed & took another bus & we sat at the back seat. You were so tired that your head have fallen on my shoulder & you woke up after that. Makes me giggle just by thinking of it again. Then when we reached Bukit Panjang, we drop off & we walk to the Inter & took another bus to go to your area.

Then after we reached to your place, I waited for you under your BLK & you went up & took a bottle filled with barley. Then we walked & went up to this BLK & sat at the staircase. We talk & talk then suddenly french kiss. Wanted to buy snacks so we went down & bought snacks at the vending machine. Then you wanted to go to the carpark so we went there. Eating while talking, I smoked. So after that I wanted us to go back to the staircase where we slacked just now then you were like giving me that smile & I just blushed. So we went there & then talk & did french kiss again & some thing more & unexpected. Then we stop cause tired so then we spend time & its gonna be night time & you asked me about why I was sad just now. Tears went rolling & I told you about the game incident & you told me everything. Asked you who do you love & I thought you were seeing someone & I checked your phone to prove that you are & I saw Zack & you said we're just friends & you asked to remove all the guys & girls there & see how many text I have with the same person & that is the person that I love. Still don't believe & you wanted to say my full name which I won't let! Then hugged you which I could feel your warm body, I could see that you're sincere. Then you send me back to the LRT station & before you went off, you gave me a kiss & then I went home & fall asleep. Miss you afterwards.

Fifth meeting:
You told me you wanted to cut your hair & I told you to meet me after school so met you at Yishun Interchange & we were waiting for bus 804, while talking to you then I notice someone familiar behind you & it was Bella, Feeza's sister. Omg, so shocked then I smiled at her & she was like what? Afraid that she heard our convo just now so just kept quiet. So then bus 804 have reached & we went inside & sat at the back. Then I told you that she is Feeza's sister & I hope she didn't heard what we said cause if she does, I'm dead & she'll know that I'm Bisexual. So then we've reached our stop & then we went to Snip Avenue & you took off your cap which is so cute cause your natural hair without you putting up your hair with gel is so cute. So then we went inside & told the barber how I wanted your hair to be trimmed & the barber trimmed your hair. Then after she trimmed your hair. It looks shorter & nice so you paid her & we went off. Went to the kopi shop toilet & then look at the mirror. Wipe off your hair from your neck & then went out of th toilet. Then don't know where to go so planned to go to your place. So took bus to Yishun Inter & then took bus 171. Then we sat at the back & you hugged me. I feel so loved. Then half way, Granny called & I need to meet her. So disappointed & we stop at the LRT station & you send me til there & gave me a kiss on my lips before going off. Miss you so much when you're far away from me.

Last meeting:
Went to your school canteen & suddenly heard someone swit me & I turned & saw you. Asked me to go there & I rejected. Not in a mood to talk to you as I felt like you did something wrong. Went to my friend cause I saw her & gave her a hug. Sat down & talk to her & another friend of mine. Then saw Maia & gave her a hug & saw Zack as well. Asked them why are they here, thought they got class & they said that they're going now, just bought drinks only. I nodded & sat back at the table where my friends were. We talk & talk & make crappy jokes that make us laugh out loud! Then after an hour, they need to go. Oh gosh, disappointed. Then waited for Maia & Echa & Zack. Kept looking at you & I feel so down. I just don't know why. Then wanted to go to the toilet, then after that went out & I saw you, shocked & you asked, going back home & I replied no & you said you're gonna get home & in my heart I was like, I wanna go back with you but then I already said I'm not going home. Then I went back to the table where I sat & I waited for them. Then not long after they came & I saw you sitting with Echa & Zack. You were talking to them.

Then I sat at the table & all of a sudden tears came rolling & Maia was like chill zairul chill. I can't stop crying in silence. Then you went off & Echa pull me & sat at the other table. Told me to stop crying & stop giving her puppy eyes. So I just wipe my tears & told her my prob. She trusted you & said that you won't do it. I agreed & then went took bus with Echa, Zack & Naz to Scape. Then Echa started to cry & I was being counselled by Zack which is so stressing cause he kept telling me to leave you to see if your love are true. To see if you'll text or called me. I agreed then. Then reached Scape & Echa & Naz wanted to go & gave them a goodbye hug & off they went so Zack & me went to Scape Mac & it reminded me of you. Wanted to cry but I just hold on to it. Then use the com & Zack went into his Facebook account. Asked him if I could browse Emyth profile through his account & he nodded then I click on Emyth's profile & I scroll down. Jaw drop, heart broke into pieces cause I saw you shoutout to him, asking him whether he could teached you Amoled. I wanna cried after I saw you both commenting to each other as well. You lied & I feel so heartbroken.

I miss those times with you...

I miss it a lot...
I miss the sweet memories...

I miss you hugging me tightly with warmth & sincere...

I miss the way you kissed my forehead...

I miss the way you breathe through my ears...

I miss the way you look into my eyes...

But most of all...

I miss you...

Dear Dream guy,

Why did you move on so fast without suffering anything?

Your words, I Love You. Is that a lie cause thats why you could move on so fast? You really break my heart & I've been crying 13 days in a row cause of you.

Why must your name be tattooed on my soul & the memories locked

up in my heart. I wanna let them go & I wanna let you go but I just can't. I'm too weak, I just love you so much can't you see? This is the first time I cried for someone whom I'd love for more than a week & in a row & it's the worst I've ever cried. I just can't believe it that I really love you so deeply & now you left me for someone else. Why must you become like this? I wanted to see you for the very last time & you send me a text with those harsh words & I was really shocked cause never in my life you answered me with harsh words. I cried reading that. I wanted to see you for the very last time but you kept giving me excuses & you could even ignored my text. In all my stains, you are the first guy in my life that I couldn't forget at all. I really love you so & my love is true & sincere. Never have I lied to you at all. Never & I trusted you so badly that you lied to me. You broke your promise. Where is the guy that I know & loved. His gone... & now he changed quite a lot... Hurt... But I just don't know when is this gonna end... I have no hope now... I feel like I wanna kill myself... Love you so deep that I'm drowning & I can't get out...

Thought you're gonna smile without me but I could see that you're hurt... Karma had strike you, now you know how I felt... For the first time in my life, I never felt satisfied but instead, even worse... I'm more hurt. I really want us to be like how we used to be like last time cause I really miss the memories so much that I miss you as well. I know you wouldn't want so I'll just keep a little piece of my love towards you just in case there is a second chance. Love you always.

Your ex lover,

Zairul

Labels: He left me for my stain

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012

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