Love.

The presence you'll always feel for this beautiful-so-unique feeling, where your heart can only know that it's from that only one soul, & that is, the beauty of love full with sharp bleeding thorns all around

Let the warm shower run. Then sat on the toilet bowl, while cigarette's running with mind contemplating so deep inside. Stared at the empty space & tears started rising. Finished up my cigarette & I stepped into the shower. Had a long one & I dried myself up with my soft towel after showering. Covered up half of my lower body with my towel & I stared myself at the mirror.

" Whatever have I done to deserve this from him? ", I asked myself, with my heart so cold. So I stepped out of the toilet & got in the living room. Wore my army shorts, then lie on my bed, covering myself with my blanket full with soft fur. Plugged in my Ipod with the speakers, & played a song so blue, then lowered down the volume just a little. The scene I'm in got my heart caged in the dark, I don't feel like if there's anything that can enlighten my heavy heart now. Heard the sound of loud thunder clapped.

My legs are all so weak that I can just dropped down on my knees any moment now, covering my face with my hands while letting these tears run down my cheeks full with scars. He never realized that I did my very best to make him smile, to lessen his pain, to let him feel less troubled but all I get from him in the end, is nothing but one big pile of dung. Nothing is ever right for him, nothing. Whatever good I've done for him are all unnoticeable, except for the flaws that I tend to let out to him. Is it that hard to accept my flaws when I've long accepted his? I've loved him with all my life. None can ever replaced him. I'm through with all the common pain but if he's giving me all the heavy ones, I won't even know what's the definition of happiness anymore. I'll let him live his life while I live on mine cause I know that it's no point being there for someone whom I feel like I'm a nobody in his. I'll just let him be the non-existent in this world.

My life is nothing but full of never ending misery. More shits are appearing in my life after I cleared at least a numbered of em'. How can I ever coped up with this? That's not all, not trying to be boastful & all, but, guys are starting to build up hopes on me. I don't need Love for now as I have many shits in life to settle, I just can't bear with another one on top. It's so hard to even tell these guys not to build up their hopes on me cause I know there's a huge chance that they'll feel stabbed right in the heart.

It's always when I need someone special in my life, a number or just none will approached me, but when I don't want all these lovey dovey to come right through my doorstep, they'll start rushing. So tell me, is this a test from God? Well, either way, I just got to find the solution before things will turned into a nightmare. Let's have a positive mind for awhile, shall we?