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Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Staying strong as a single soul.  Walking through that path in life all alone, though you felt parts of the pieces missing in your heart, still you just carry on, step by step bearing all those emptiness in you I tried everything at home. I cleaned up the kitchen, washed the laundries, scrub the toilet, everything, but all I get from her is just pain, I suck it up & just talk to her in a normal tone. Sometimes, just ignore her all the way. I've controlled my anger, I've changed & I realized that myself but she thinks that I'm raising my voice, being rude & all. All these tears that I'm carrying with me. I don't want to let go, I just can't. It hurts living in a house which no one is ever going to give you that fairness. I know life is unfair but when it comes to rules in the house, it can be fair. Her words are just temporary, I kept my words but she kept none. Well, what can I say, she's old, her depression is in a pretty bad state. Now I'm slowly searching for a job again. Everything's all stressed up for me & the only thing that can make me go cool is attending dance practice with my crew. At times when I'm alone, my mind will go wander off in the past, & my heart will start to turn cold, everything around me will turned dark. That missing feeling will reappear & thorns will start pricking my heart. Then I'll just plugged in my earpieces & played a memorable song, there it'll all begun, that beautiful feeling reappeared from the past. It felt so good, but the only feeling I do not like is missing that soul that was in my past. I still love him though but its just that, I just don't want it to appear or my hands will go itchy again, wanting to text him & meet him again. Being single can be lonely at times, you'll miss the past & of course love but sometimes, it's best being single for now & set everything right for yourself, then from there, after everything's done, you can go on a date & not needing to have that worried feeling about yourself, like money especially. Sometimes, these type of questions tend to reappear out of the blue," Who is going to be my lover? " " How is s/he going to look like? " " Is s/he going to be the one that going to love me so much more than how I'm going to love him/her? " & " Is s/he going to be the one that is going to be afraid of losing me most? " Or " Is s/he going to be like my past stains, hurt me, tear me apart, like a heart breaker? " But then, I just placed all these questions aside & continue whatever is need to be done cause all those questions will be answered in the future eventually. I just hope that things will be fine soon cause I really can't bear this any longer. Dear God, I just hope that you're going to end this suffering sooner or later, how long more do you want me to be in this state? Waiting patiently, meanwhile, I'm trying to find every way to solve all my shits. Labels: Single |
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