Karma is my game

Dreams, Nightmare.

Dreams are so beautiful that it makes you want to close your eyes forever, living in em', forgetting the reality, but when it has turned into a nightmare, the only thing you would want to do is run back to reality

Walking through the underpass all alone with everything so cold & all you can only see was dust, cracked walls & dim lights. But as I walk deep into the underpass, I suddenly saw someone, or rather a few people from a distance. Does my eyes deceived me? Or what I see was real? I wanted to be sure so I took a few steps forward & then, I took a few steps some more & from there, I didn't stop, I continued walking & this time, as briskly as I could. Then I ran towards them & I hugged them tight, a tear ran down my cheek. It was my beloved brother, his boyfriend, my 9 years close friend & a friend which I just know him for almost 3 months, he have been helping me a lot lately. I stopped hugging them, & just stood rooted to the ground while I stare at each & everyone of them. They just smile & no words were heard.

Suddenly, they just walk away slowly from me, I asked them where are they going but all I heard was the silent background & so I followed slowly from behind. Then we came into a room & in that room was a big pile of mess with a big window at the side. I slowly let my head out of the window & take a look of the surroundings. All I could see was the sea & a big cliff. Shockingly, we're so high on top. I looked at my beloved ones, then suddenly a friend of mine, the one who I know for 3 months took a few steps forward & stood at the window. I don't know why didn't I do anything about it but just watched, he looked back at me & just smile, then he jumped out of the window.

I quickly ran to the window & take a look, I screamed as his head was about to hit that hard rooftop but then, he just fall away from that rooftop, I was shocked with this face of mine full of tears. My heart was still thumping loudly, did he just repelled from that rooftop? Then my beloved brother & his boyfriend hold hands while they stood there at the window, then after a few seconds of them looking at each others' eyes, they faced down & jumped. Last but not least, my 9 years close friend, jumped out of the window as well. I feel like my heart is going to stop with my knees shivering so badly. Then someone pushed me out the window & I fall right into the sea. I quickly swam up & finally my head was out. I looked at them, I was in panic. A few seconds later, I blacked out.

Opened my eyes, everything was so blur. Blinked my eyes a few times & I was with my beloved brother again & his boyfriend, but the other two weren't here with us, then again, someone else is here with us, it's the guy that I still can't forget about, & take a step forward to moving on. I was shocked, speechless & my heart suddenly felt so glad to finally see him. Can't believe still that he's here with us. I feel like I'm in a dream, is this even real? I wondered but then I didn't think about it too much. So we were walking, I don't know where were we going but all I know was that we're walking. Brother & him kept teasing me, I got so irritated that I just pushed them away & quickly walk away.

He quickly ran to me & pulled my hand. I looked at him with heart rage in fire. He just looked into my eyes, he smiled, then he teased me again. I pushed him away & walk off. Then I saw a train at full speed as I walk away & its going to his direction. I slowly turned back, tears were dripping, my knees were shaking, my heart nearly stopped pounding. I almost fall on my knees but then, my brother quickly grabbed hold of me. I can clearly see the body been badly damaged. I screamed in pain, I can't believe that he's gone. I regret for walking away, I blamed myself for being too sensitive. I didn't even get to spend time with him in a proper way.

I swear to myself that I'm going to regret this, the guilty feeling is going to be tattooed right in my heart til the day I closed this eyes of mine. I feel like ending my life, my care for myself & everyone whom I loved is all shattered. The feeling of not having a good future is so strong. Then night came, my aunt suddenly appeared. Then I saw my daddy sitting on a bench beside a very very fat man who is lying down, sleeping soundly. I looked at my daddy & tears rised again. Then everyone hugged me tight, I looked at the body & cried.

Woke up & my face was full with tears. Then I sat down, my mind kept playing the part where he got hit by the train & where I see the body been badly damaged. I can never forget the body, it has been captured in mind. Tears went dripping, I text him to know whether he is still breathing now, safe & sound. He replied a few hours later, I was relieved. I checked my brother's tumblr, to see if he has update it yet. I checked nearly almost every single soul whom I am really closed with. They're all fine, still breathing, still busy with their own life.

I asked to myself, " What is this? " And suddenly a sentence appeared in mind a few minutes later, " A lesson not to leave your loved ones for a very long time, but instead treasure them with all your heart, spend every single minute you have for them cause you might never know when will they leave this cruel world. " Kept thinking about it, the sentence is still in my mind. I want to meet them again but I'm just too afraid, the embarrassing feeling is still there in my heart. I'm not over it, I'm so pressurized. It's been more than a week & it has been a sleepless night for me. Oh God, I know I've done a lot of sins but please, I beg of you, let my future & the souls whom I loved be a bright one, no tears, no pain, but just happiness. Please fulfill this wish, just this once cause I can't bear to see myself or the rest to take another step to a whole lot of pain.

Labels: Dreams

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012

Tagged. Tumblr. Twitter.