Karma is my game

Love.

I won't leave you alone in a dark room but instead I'll be there hugging you tightly protecting you from the darkness, making you feel so secure

Heard the little patter on the window? Yes, the black clouds are pouring rain. Sitting down on my mattress while letting my brain work trying to figure out what to blog & my mind was a total blank. So I decided to post a status in my facebook profile telling my friends to ask me any questions related to anything but I would love to especially hear questions about love cause love is always a favourite topic in my list & here are the very few people who asked me a few questions about love & my personal life:

What is Love? - Indaa Feneh

Well Indaa, there are many meanings behind the word Love & one of them is to have a strong positive emotion of regard & affection towards someone.

What's the most saddest, happiest & precious thing that had happened in your life? - Fie

The most saddest thing that is to happened is that I have a never ending misery in my cold life & til now I'm still suffering from this pain but I can still manage from it.

Happiest? Well, so far there's nothing that have ever make me smile sincerely yet cause even though people out there have seen me smile, they do not know that my heart is still crying from the pain that I'm still facing from then til now.

Precious thing? My precious things are living humans like my grandmother, my aunts, my sweetest clans which is my best friends & my gay clans & of course, my future lover.

Why are you in love with a guy instead of a girl? What happen & what is so fun having a guy to guy relationship? - Ita

Well, that is a good question. Let me tell you some parts of my past life.

In my childhood days, I wasn't like any of you, having fun with friends & not having a miserable childhood but instead I didn't have any friends at all & yes, my childhood days were quite miserable. I got an older brother who's age is around 16 then, but my biological mother isn't his biological mother but instead, my mother is her step-mother. That means he wasn't born through my mother's tummy but instead, on someone elses. My dad got married with another lady before my mother, they both divorce & he then remarried with my mother.

So as I was saying, my brother was staying at our house & things were fine til he molested me a few times & it was such chaos. He forced me to do oral sex with him & it was a no choice for me so I have to do it. The next one was I moved in at my aunt's crib cause my aunt wanted to take care of me so badly so it was none of a choice for my mother that she had to let her take care of me. Thought things were fine then, til I met my older cousin's friend & he too molested me a few times & the worse part is that my brother wanted to stay there just to have fun with me.

So I was a pure gay then til I met a few girls a few years later so I started to have feelings for them & I'm not a pure gay anymore but instead I'm a bisexual. So not to worry cause I have feelings for girls too & I have 5 ex girlfriends for your info.

And the purpose of me having a boy to boy relationship is not because of fun as you label it but instead because of some reasons I chose to stick to boy now. To be frank with you, it's quite hurting too to be in a relationship with a boy so your question will be answered on the next question.

What happen when we pretend to fall out love because we wanted to show him/her we're strong enough to face a break up when we're actually still in love? - Nisa

A flashback came into my mind after reading your question & it was an unexpected flashback cause the flashback was about us when we were in a relationship. I don't know whether you wanted to break up with me because you wanted to show that you girls are strong enough to face one break up cause if it was for me, that will be the most cruel thing you can ever done to me as I really gave all my love & care for you but in the end you gave me this, that shows that you really weren't in love but instead you're just trying to test yourself, in another word, used me instead. What for must you prove to boys that you're strong enough to face one break up when this shows that you really aren't.

Sorry to say this but doing all this is the baddest thing you could have ever done cause you really do not know how I've gone through. I really was in love with you deeply & I really did stick to only you but when you said you wanted to end this, my heart really shattered to pieces & I got really depress til I hurt myself plenty of times.

It took me almost a month to get over you & it was unbearable. Do you know how hard it is to go through this heartbreaking process? My mind got so stress up because of the breaking up that I started to fall for guys instead.

When I was with you, I really did turn to straight & I wanted to introduce you to my parents cause I've been telling them about you, that you're th perfect one but everything turn out unexpectedly & my parents ask when am I gonna introduce you to them. I was speechless & after that I didn't want to be in a relationship with girls then. The new feeling that I had after what had happened between us got me curious to want to explore about the gay world more so I did & now I can never turn back til another girl that can make me fall for her came into my life & that will be quite rare to find. It's not only me that have become like this, a few of my friends turned to gays/bisexual because of this kind of relationship they get from girls.

So let me tell you this, before you do anything unnecassary in a relationship, think hard before you do it cause you might never know if it'll effect someone's life. If you really didn't left me for proving to boys that girls are strong enough, still it was unnecassary for you to end it that way cause I really did my part & you didn't realized that but thanks anyway, I really enjoyed having sweet moments together with you & our sweet moments are still kept locked in my fragile heart. Hope you'll have a wonderful & a better relationship now cause I know you do. Just try not to play with boys feelings alright? I know you're strong, you just have to believe in yourself.

Questions have already been answered. So now you know about my life & about love. Feel free to ask me anymore questions in the formspring on the right of the screen. Will update again soon.

Goodbye dear readers.

Labels: love

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012

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