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Thursday, December 1, 2011
Goodbye November, Hello December.  So I gave myself a goodbye to November who gave me smiles though little pains & a few tear drops were involve, now a very good hello to December, so I hope it'll make my life go sweeter then Life has been a lot better after getting myself a new job. Thanks to my dear friend who we've been looking out for each other. But, most of all, he's the one who have helped me a whole lot, what a true friend he is, Raihan Rocknova. May God blessed you lots of joy, happiness & a whole lot of love. And, may your relationship last forever with that cute lover of yours. November has given me a lot of smile, though little tears did I shed a few times, but it doesn't affect how happiness conquered my life on that month. Now December's here, so I wished there will be sweet happenings to my cold, lonely [ Well, I don't feel that lonely, just giving that drama effect ] & sour life. I felt like it's always on December where the honeymoon period starts, where puppy love begins, or/& where a heterosexual couple or/& a homosexual couple says, " I do. " on their wedding day. I realized it'll always fall on December. So I hope this month, it'll be my luck, so if it isn't, then it won't be a disappointment to me at all cause I don't hope on this, pretty much. Enough about sweet beautiful love. Now, see that picture on top? Yes, I feel like as if, my life's a lighted candle, which has been covered up by the cold darkness. A fact that, I'll always be alone, & no one in my life even my loved ones, are ever going to be there for me. That made me realized, the swears that my family members who pushed hatred on me due to who I am now, & that is, being homosexual. They swear that no one's going to be there for me, my friends, my loved ones, whoever. I find it pretty much, illogical, just because I'm homosexual? I mean, there are a few dark histories behind it all. So I didn't spilled the beans to some of them, only my mother & my step-father [ which I find pretty much pointless cause not a single word or expression was given from them ], it was all from the broken past. The scars, it's still deep. My mind can still read up all the details, the expressions from their faces, their feeling of pleasure & satisfaction while this fragile heart of mine can still feel that deep pain & suffering I get in return. Yes, it gives me thoughts of killing myself but no, I must stay for I can't bear to leave my one & only sweet, annoying yet beautiful brother where God has given me a gift for me to take care of, & that is none other than, Dudy. A growing boy, full of flaws, learning through mistakes he has done. Trying to do his best from getting a failure, but as I observe, he tends to give up easily but I believed in him that, he'll still continue even though he had failed on whatever obstacles he had gone through. His ego & selfishness doesn't bother me much, so does the disappointments he had given me at times, even letting my heart went through a raging fire, & letting these eyes of mine to run through tears as much as a river, but just as long as I can feel his presence around me, a smile will be drawn right on my face & my cold heart, will turned warm again. He's like my only " favorite gift " You know, I've tried many ways to make him smile, sincerely the very least. But, I don't feel like, I've done my part yet. As for him, yes, he has done it. By being here with me, accepting my flaws, I'm all so.. happy. I don't feel like, I'm.. good enough. Well, whatever it is, I'll still continue doing my best. I love him more than my life & I hope God won't ever tear us apart. So my point is, I don't give any concern to those swears I get from those haters. Even if their swearing hit me hard, not just by words, but actions. At least, I have what I needed. Loved ones, around me, a brother for me to look for when I'm down. I know that none will ever be there for me [ Or am I being in that emotional crisis again? ]. But just as long as, they won't step away from my life, I'm fine with whatever I've got. I'm used to be there for the ones that I loved, I'm used to getting hurt at the same time, smile as I've made my loved ones, smile. I was born getting all those miseries, since young & I'm fine with it all. I'm just thankful for whatever God has given me. So I hope, my little candle, will light a lot more brighter, slowly, in the future, letting all those darkness, fade away. Giving my heart warmth, happiness, joy, without anyone by my side. Even if there is, I'll be much more please, with tears of joy involved. I love my life now, it's not perfect or so called, " more than enough " yet but it's enough, so please, let it stay this way. Be better if you could, but don't ever let it shatter to pieces. Labels: Happiness |
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