Karma is my game

Addicted.

Being addicted to something really kills. Once you stop taking it, you'll start to feel the pain slowly spreading through your body

The sight turned blur with darkness filling up every single sight slowly. Legs felt icy cold, body shivers, lungs tighten & heart being stabbed repeatedly & deeply. 4 days, 2 bottles done, & health is getting low. Breathing for air & it feels like I'm in the water trying to get on land. Walking like a drunken boy with a giddy brain. Negative emotions stirring into one. My mind echoes for more while my heart beats a big no. Covering my whole self with a big soft blanket. Tears started to fill my blurry eyes, spilling those tears with just one blink & it spilled all the way til my eyelid got heavy zso instead I just let it stay shut, letting my soul go wandering off to my beautiful dreams.

Woke up & it's around 6pm. Brain started throbbing while lungs started to feel like being poked by pointy needles. Stood up & legs were kind of shaky. Dragging my leg slowly to the toilet & it takes a painful time to reached there. Took off my shirt & looked myself in the mirror. Jaws totally drop, what happen to my stomach, it looks like I'm sucking it up but the thing is I didn't. Look at those dry lips with those dead skins peeling off everywhere. Look at myself, I feel so ashamed. What have I change myself into? It did not even reach to any point of improving but it seems that I'm lower than the negative level & I feel so degraded, so contempt. My heart feel so weak. Why must I be so depress? Why must I have the low self-esteem? Due to the cracked face & the heartless souls that have caused me pain & more hatred in myself? Why must I even took that medicine when I know that the past won't even change a single bit? Sigh, I guess I just want to close my eyes & not face the reality, wanting to let my soul wander off to those sweetest dreams forever. But all this have painful consequences & I really regret doing this cause with the addiction starting to run through my body, I'll need to take it but I know I won't, not even a single drop but if I have to, I'll take it with a spoon like what my aunt's lover, Jaselin said, " Take it with a spoon but don't take it too much or just don't take it at all cause once you've start to get addicted to that medicine, it's like a drug & a large amount of effort is needed if you want to end the addiction. " I guess, I'll just don't take it at all or if I will, I'll take it with a spoon & not too much in order to let this bloody coughs to shut up.

First of all, I would like to apologies to Mile as I've been making him feel so worried due to what happened. I didn't mean to hurt you. My apologies. Secondly, I would like to apologies to all my sweetest clans & even my lovely Jaselin as she have been verbally forcing me to stop taking that medicine but I chose not to listen. Millions of apologies dear.

I'm sorry guys, I guess, suicide was playing in my mind all this while. I just can't take it being pushed around by flawless gayboys & some others. I can't endure it anymore. With a cracked face, love is always forbidden in my broken life cause like what they say, I'm a sex symbol. If I die, promise me you all won't forget me. I'm not praying or wanting to end my life but I'm just saying " if ", that's all. Goodbye my lovelies. I love you guys to shreds.

The boy who owns a cracked face,
Zairul

P.S: I don't even have the guts to even face you guys with my condition now. I've embarrassed you all as a friend & I'm sorry. I guess we shouldn't meet anymore as I feel so ashamed after what I've done. I hate this. Hope I'll be forgiven.

Labels: Addicted

zairul is my name &
karma is my game.

His Quote:

what goes around with me comes around you.

Sweetest Ecstasy

♦ Dudy Monteiro.
♦ Dudy's Tumblr.
♦ Hafiz Pendek.
♦ Subhi Illiyyin.
♦ Syakirchner Elise.
♦ Hedi Kikomori.
♥ Jaselin Gemok.
♥ Frah Anne.
♥ Maia Panda.
♥ Yidah Twinny.
♥ Farna Bimbo.
♥ Uffie Aosyki.
♥ Echa Boncet.
♦ Syairul Adams.
♦ Fyzzstro.

Individuals

Amelina.
Azmy.
Belle.
Din.
Echa.
Eicha.
Eydah.
Faizahh.
Fie.
Fir.
Irzan.
Ita.
Jaja.
Mei Ting.
Naim.
Natasha.
Nini.
Nisa.
Pearl.
Qayyum.
Rush.
Shah.
Shasha.
Shaq.
Sheeqeen.
Teko.
Yourlanda.
Yusry.
Zaidi.

May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012

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